Herman Cain, Asshat
You may not have known much about Herman Cain before he spoke at a conference in Iowa that gave GOP presidential hopefuls a chance to impress conservative voters. But you know by now that Cain favors job discrimination against American Muslims. When asked if he would appoint a Muslim to his cabinet, Cain said:
"I will not and here's why. There is this creeping attempt, this attempt, to gradually ease Sharia Law and the Muslim faith into our government."
Wow! I bet you didn't know that. Where did Cain get his information?
The former radio host and former CEO of Godfather's Pizza isn't backing down from his comments. More on that later. Those comments alone tell you that Cain is a third-degree asshat from the High Order of Royal Asshats. You see, asshats speak a different language than we do. The language they speak is called Asshat. And you are so lucky I speak Asshat. Just for you, my dear reader(s), I am about to translate Mr. Cain's words from Asshat to English. Here is what he said:
"Like all other asshats, I'm a dichotomous thinker. I can't differentiate the terrorists who attacked us on 9/11 from law-abiding American Muslims. I don't trust them and I want you to fear them as much as I do. I have to make up a bunch of shit to justify my Islamophobia. And if I can convince you to fear Muslims, then I might earn your vote. Now I don't know who Sharia Law is, but the Muslims just love her. Unlike conservative Christians, Muslims want their religious laws to be the law of the land."And as if that wasn't enough, Cain went on Fox News to defend his remarks and to give me more material to work with. He told Neil Cavuto:
"I would have to have people totally committed (in my administration) to the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of this United States. And many of the Muslims, they are not totally dedicated to this country. They are not dedicated to our Constitution. Many of them are trying to force Sharia Law on the people of this country. And so, yes, I did say it, and that is because I don't have time to be watching someone on my administration if they are not totally committed to the Declaration and the Constitution of the United States and the laws of this country."Again, where is this asshat getting his information? Has he talked with American Muslims who have told him that they are not "totally committed" to the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of "this" United States? (As opposed to "that" United States?) But shouldn't that be "these" United States instead of "this" United States? (Yes, and it should be "those" United States instead of "that" United States.)
Anywaze...let's translate what Cain told Cavuto...from Asshat to English:
"All American Muslims are secretly funding terrorists. If they were committed to the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, they'd be Christians. But unlike conservative Christians, American Muslims want to force their beliefs on everyone. They'll make it illegal to practice Christianity in these United States. They'd close down all the liquor stores and casinos! It could happen as early as tomorrow! Be afraid! Be very afraid!"And this guy wants to be your president. First of all, Godfather's Pizza sucks...and Cain didn't make it suck any less when he was their CEO. Secondly, I don't want to spend four years of my life translating Asshat. By the time I've written about all the other Republican hopefuls, I will have heard all the Asshat I want to hear.
